Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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