Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
