You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
