i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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