They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
