i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
