Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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