I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize