if i can run in heels then i can drive
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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