During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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