so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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