so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
sarcasm needs its own font
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
we're making bets on your personal life
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
