I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
accomplished twins. life is a go
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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