Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
