new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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