I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
