MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
