We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
