this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
