Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
