Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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