I look better un-naked...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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