I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
