He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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