im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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