Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
