I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i believe in u and ur pee
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize