Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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