onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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