There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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