There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
