Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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