you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
