I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
