my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
