this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
