Porn is love you can see.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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