....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
