Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
