Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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