I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
