Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
