I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
