I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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