I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
