By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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