Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
