walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
