so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
im about as happy as oj after his trial
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
