I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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