Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize