You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
