She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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