Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There's always time for handjobs
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
