True but thats because hes a fetus.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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