So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
