Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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