you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
your like the ambassador to my penis.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
