You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize