I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
