There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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