Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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