i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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