Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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