Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
