8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
