Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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