Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
