Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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