Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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